Monday, December 24, 2007

Its Xmas Again !

Merry Xmas folks...hope you all have a great day and take it easy with the chicken...

Don't forget to think about those who don't have any today, and give some to the needy as well....touch a heart today.

Enjoy your day!!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

My vacation...

So its vacation started on monday. Well, I don't have any special plans yet and consdering the fact that I will be out till next year, I'm at a loss as to what to do. My first plan was to visit naija..yea, my naija peeps don vex for me tire, but I couldn't work out some here I am, stuck in NYC. So what do i do? Now thats the million dollar question since I have various options and haven't made up my mind on what to do. My french friends are coming to the NYC from France to visit (the french girls as my friends call them) and although they would be staying with me in my "little palace", I've made it clear to them that I'm not going to baby sit what do I do? I'm thinking of taking a ski trip to Vermont or Maine (my naija peeps here have been wondering why a naija guy goes dudes no dey ski? abeg make una free me o), but I haven't found other friends willing to commit to the adventure since they have to work...I was going to go to Miami, until I checked the flights costs,hotels and other expenses....and with christmas around, the costs doubled, not to mention that my naija peeps expect settlement for christmas along with other expenses here.

Arrgh...why do these things have to be so difficult. I thought of taking a road trip across states...but then again, considering its winter and snowing, it isn't safe or the best time to drive for long distances. Although I'm quite sure I would have fun travelling to places close to NYC (DC,Boston, etc), I'm not so sure I want to do that or should I? Damm...I should have been in naija now..cruising...I would not lack for things to do, people to see, folks to harass and crimes to It's all good though..I'm enjoying my vacation so far and getting some personal work done. I don't need my alarm any more, I dont have to drag my self up from sleep, I can go to bed whenever...and the best part...I STILL GET PAID !!! I wish life were like
Hope you're enjoying the beauty of the season as well. Wishing everyone a wonderful season.If you have suggestions...I want to hear it. Isn't there some blogger xmas party? There should be...Can't wait for my work stint in London, that should be fun..maybe I'll get to meet some of my best blogger know yourselves. I love you all...and "you" too!

Peace out folks!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Ozymandias - the poem - and me.

I met a traveler from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal these words appear:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

by Percy Bysshe Shelley

You've been gone for only hours
Yet it feels like years
I lie down here
Staring into blank space
Watching the rays of the sun fade into lonely space
Wondering when you'll walk back into this room
this room which has become so empty
so lonely that it hurts
so quiet that I can hear my heart beating
it wants to hear your voice
it wants to hear you breathe
it wants to come alive
it needs you
its asking you to come back
and never leave it again
this room which is my heart
this heart which longs so much for you
it belongs to you
pick up the phone and call..

by Ozymandias (Moi..trying to revive my poetry skills)

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Anti-borrowing shield.

So I was talking to a friend who was telling me about how a certain high school friend from so many years back in naija just started calling to know how she was and how things were going with her. She was worried that this might be a prelude to asking her to “send something for boys”, and being broke right now, she didn’t know what to do or say since the certain high school friend was also a good friend back then. What could she do, she asked me.

Ozy’s response: Do what I used to do back in college in naija for fair weather friends. Back then there were “certain friends” who were my friends, but not really my…If that makes any sense, hope you got my drift? So it would be a surprise to me when these friends showed up at my apartment (kai…I don one room at very suspicious times or periods in the day, and being the type of person I was, I would welcome everyone with a smile and try to entertain them as much as possible (depending on their sex and profile...).

Well, when I realized that these “certain friends” always came to me when they needed me to lend them some money or some other favor (like beg me to take exams for them, which was always a NO!), and because I found it difficult to say no (I was a broke ass kid as well,), I always listened to their stories, and gave in to their demands for money…and when it was time to pay back, I would be wishing we had a debt collection agency in naija since I would have to hound and harass them before they returned the money if they ever did. So I devised a new strategy nicknamed “anti-borrowing counter measures”….

Whenever these “certain friends” came to me under the guise of visiting me, immediately they sat down and began chatting and feeling comfortable, I would pre-empt them (pre-emptive strike) and reel out my own financial problems to them first…lol…I would begin with the books and fees I have to buy or pay for, my food status at that time (1-0-1, 0-1-1, or even 0-0-1 for notorious, those I’m owing, and end it up with those that have been owing me for a long time who have refused to pay…and how if they don’t want to pay up soon, I was considering doing something mean to them (no be say I fit sha, though I’m sure I could recruit one of my borrowers to do the dirty job...).

Of course, after I was done with my own tales, it would be so obvious that this guy ain’t falling for this trick anymore and no shishi (a penny) was coming out of my pocket more father Christmas... .Infact, if I tell my story very well, they would almost be forced to part with the little they had on them at that time…lol…since that my condition seemed more desperate. Some people might think that was mean, but those counter measures were reserved for those “certain friends” that would only remember me when they had problems or needed my help…when they go partying or clubbing, they never called to invite me, when money finish or wahala show…dem go remember Ozy. I used to have such a good laugh after that…..

Since my strategy always worked…my advice to her was, you might want to spill out some of your own problems that you’re currently facing right now to your high school friend, before he makes the first move so he’d know it’s certainly not convenient right now…It’s just like in chess. It works, at least for me, all the time.

Reporting live and hungry from the “Big Apple" on a cold windy day before lunch....Ozymandias..over and out !!

Thursday, November 29, 2007

In the news today...

Choosy males and aggressive females - a role reversal has been found in the sexual behavior of the topi antelope.

Some males are so forcefully pursued by pushy females that they refuse the advances of previous partners.

--- Has anyone experienced this?

According to research published in the journal Current Biology, this helps males conserve their sperm for the possibility of mating with new females.

---hmm, thank goodness we don’t have to conserve our sperms…else, I’m sure some of us would have run out of stock a long long time ago……lol…”na mate as you go”….just kidding…HIV dey there o..

It therefore increases the chances of fatherhood with the widest possible number of partners.
Dr Jakob Bro-Jorgensen, the scientist conducting the Zoological Society of London (ZSL) research, said: "In cases where the male antelope was free to choose between females, he deliberately went for the most novel mate, rather than the most high-ranking."

--- Hmm, "novel mate" ehn…does that mean the mate that’s most imaginative and can think of novel positions and styles or what….hmmm...just wondering ..I’m kinda confused

He added: "However, some pushy females were so aggressive in their pursuit of the male that he actually had physically to attack them to rebuff their advances."

--- Lol..I guess this happens…..why these kain tins no dey happen to me nah, I swear I will not physically attack….I no mean say make antelopes pursue me o…lol

The research was undertaken in the Masai Mara area of Kenya, in the traditional breeding grounds of the topi.

Copious copulations
Females are fertile for a single day only. The topi antelope (Damaliscus lunatus jimela) come together once a year, for just over a month to mate.

Dr Bro-Jorgensen said: "It is not uncommon to see males collapsing with exhaustion as the demands of the females get too much for them."

-- Lmao, he probably needs some Viagra abi na burantashi…lol….wetin u want make I talk nah…man wey do finish, come collapse, na die be dat

He observed that each female would mate, on average, with four males, while some reached 12 different partners. And each individual would be mated with approximately 11 times, although one pair was observed together on 36 occasions.

-- 36 !!…even 11 sef…I need to know the exact pills they take for that…lol…its not for me, its for the market…, I don’t need such to achieve that feat…and yes, you all should take a cue from these

"[The females must] ensure that they become pregnant, and preferably with a hotshot male, so they must focus all their energies on ensuring that males mate with them in that time," Dr Bro-Jorgensen explained.
Unexpected behavior;

These findings are contrary to conventional sexual selection theory which says males are competitive and females are choosy.
Talking to the BBC News website, Dr Bro-Jorgensen said: "We may not have our eyes open to the fact that opposite sexual conflicts may occur more commonly than we think. Normally, males are persistent and females resistant. What I saw in African topi was unexpected."

-- lol, so the males have now become choosy…times are certainly changing….hotshot male ehn, hmmm….now I see the rush for Brad Pitt, Denzel Washington,…Wait a sec, did I forget to include my self on that list....I be hot shot nah..

The synchronized mating activity, and the species' promiscuity, makes males the limited resource and females the competitive ones.
It is thought the females are interested in mating with several partners to ensure fertilization, in case their first choice happens to have reduced sperm supply, or is genetically incompatible with them.

-- Synchronized mating ehn…see big grammar…lol..e be like say e don become lottery, try ya….Abeg, anybody sabi as dem dey do “synchronized mating”?..Make I add am to the small one wey I sabi..

Courtesy of the BBC:Topi Antelope
Quote of the day from BBC: New Emerging order

"Sperm competition is an evolutionary arms race, with males developing increasingly sophisticated strategies to tip the balance towards successful conception and at the same time hinder the chances of rival males."

My prediction: Very soon, a country’s wealth would be measured by the size of its sperm….I wonder which countries and continents would be super powers then?..hmm..let me go think about that, the time is near…lol

Ummh..I think I'm going out folks !!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Tales by candle light.

I once had to go to a fast food place in Nigeria a few minutes after me and my brothers had finished thrashing a girl who’d always pretended to be so sophisticated, and yet completely embarrassed herself by asking for “Egg roll” instead of “Scotch eggs”…which kain tin be…Anyway, I walked into the fast food place, and just as I was approaching the counter, I started looking at the beautiful smiling face behind it…as I about to place my order, I got all confused….Was it “egg roll” or “Scotch eggs”?…lol...I asked for “Can I get twos egg rolls”…I muttered silently hoping she didn’t hear me clearly…lol..too late! She corrected me,”Oh, you want Scotch eggs”..…yawa !!

I once traveled from Lagos to Abeokuta to visit a girlfriend without informing anyone at home. Deciding to surprise her, I left Lagos without informing her I was coming. Unfortunately for me, by the time I got there, she wasn’t home. Remember, this was long before the advent of GSM in Nigeria and there was no way to communicate with her remotely. What a wasted trip!! So with a heavy heart, I decided to go back to Lagos. By the time I go to the bus park, there were no more buses, and the few buses present had tripled their fares and I didn’t plan for this in spite of all my meticulous planning, apparently fuel had just gone scarce…that’s common in Naija. After standing about three hours hoping, praying for a miracle and when it became apparent that none was happening, I needed to be punished lol…I began to combine crossing and uncrossing my fingers, with cursing…lol…that wasn’t working either…, I finally realized that I had to do something drastic.

I needed to get back to Lagos before my parents realized that I was out of town….hahah, the wahala no go easy..water go pass garri be dat and me I no wan be the garri…lol…. During these few hours, trucks filled with stones (If you know Abeokuta, you’d know they have a lot of rocks, so you’d probably know the trucks I’m referring to) had continuously come by and people had got on the trucks, sitting on the stones… wasn’t going to do that…well, I changed my mind when I saw this was truly an emergency…lol...I had my heart in my mouth the on entire 2 hr trip and once I got to a very convenient location in Lagos, I came down and walked the rest of the distance home…make peeps no tink say I don become laborer…lol…I would never do that again!!

When I was 15 and had just started driving, I didn’t have a driver’s license in Nigeria. I was driving my home with my brother when we looked and “O ma se o”, there were the infamous “Men in black” (Nigerian police) at a road block up ahead. And as is usual with them, they were stopping, searching, humiliating people and committing the other atrocities that they are known for. Man, there was no way we could go past them without them stopping us…and there was no other way home except that way, I had to think fast, and that I

Luckily for us, the traffic was flowing so I confidently drove towards them and just as I was about a few feet from them, I pulled over right infront of them!!…Revved up the car for some time…came down from the car, opened the hood, touched a few things and generally pretended that the car was giving me very serious problems…lol...spent about 10 mins doing that while watching them…lol...after I was convinced that they’d noticed us and our “Major” problems and they were obviously not going to waste our time anymore…I got into the car and drove past them…voila !! made it. There was no way they were going to stop us again after all the trouble we’d been through infront of them…hahahahah….ingenious !!


Thursday, November 22, 2007

Police story 1.

My first encounter with the police, naija police, was thankfully not dat bad...if to say dem catch me dat day, the kain bullala where I for get back go still dey pain me reach

Back in secondary school abi na high see I went to this area sec. school where the number of peeps where sabi speak yoruba for class pass those where dey sabu english for no no which category i dey sef..if dem leave me ehn, na for yoruba i go dey write dis blog...kilo wi, se o ri gbo ibon to ti fe she eniyan le that out and you get a free T-shirt with my face on Infact, i fit count the number of peeps where fit speak anglais without adding ngbati-ngbati to the sentence,,, dat ma school na waoh.....hmm, maybe dat na why I just dey throw way bullets for dis my

Anyway sha, as I dey talk. One day, na im we dey class with nothing to i siddon one corner dey jack my "Better lover" for kain book persin wan read nah, dat na the most important tin at dat time. So me i siddon jejely dey jack my tin..dey dream dey im some olopa, abi na police dem dey call them come park their vehicle on the street dey collect egunje abi na bribe as usual. You see, my class dat time dey on the first floor facing the road.. so my classmates, who obviously had nothing to do come dey look dem as dem dey collect the money with, make I blow small grammar me, e don tay where i blow grammar for dis my go hide the money for one secret me of a naija comedy now. So na im one of these guys where dey sell Buns abi na puff-puff no even sabi...come dey waka pass, na im dey police men stop this guy...dey ask am of licence,..just kidding..but I'm sure naija police can do

Seriously, wetin concern this police men with persin where dey sell im dem wan collect "something" from the guy. The guy come dey resist, and people come dey watch dem..but trust naija now, everyone mind im business. My classmates come begin dey shout from window "Give am one puff-puff", "Give am one buns", "Find olopa one buns or puff puff", "Fun won puff puff jare" where dey for street just dey laugh the police men...omo, shame just catch the police Man, before we go talk Jack robinson..the police men vex..turn round...enter my find us.

Man, see race..the entire class, where dey jack better lover, be persin tell me make i find my so I carry my pigolo where don stand under my desk take too say woman dey my skool, and i carry dat tin chook am at dat girl go just carry na quintuplets e for Anyway sha, na im we take of and when olopa enter my class, na only one guy where dey sleep na im dem, dem vex o, no be small. na im all the teachers, principal come dey beg for almost 45, if to say dem nab anyone of us...e for rough dat kain bullala ehn, maybe dem for carry us go their station do throw way us inside cell with hardened criminals...shivering...dat one for rough

Tory neva end o...after the police men waka, na im dem come dey find the people where cause the problem. Na im i come carry my big mouth go tell my pal say na Femi be the ring leader....omo, na im my pal go tell the teachers say Femi be the ring leader just to save our necks. When dem come catch Femi, im come name all him accomplices...guess who he named !! just to punish me. All my explanations fell on deaf so i take enter wahala...kai..I don learn my lesson with snitching....but no be me tell the teachers...I just tire. Na so i enter wahala, dem give us cutlass...omo, na so we enter bush for dry season go cut grass...when the grass don dry ehn....i nearly so dem sentence us to 7 days of grass abi na bush Man, after the first day, i nearly die out of annoyance. I curse Femi die...and unluckiliy for me...I was the only innocent to fight am no be option at dat time, all of dem go just join hands wound me

Anyway sha, on the second day, the teacher in charge of randy useless teacher like dat say make we go find one of him girlfriends for the next school for na secondary school girl o...say if the girl gree, im go free us. Na so we go find the girl, beg am say im sugar daddy wan see am..and the girl na so the man free us o. Thinking about all that now, i can't help but be filled with digust that my secondary school teachers were sleeping with their students....After dat experience, i learnt my lesson...Me and naija police no dey follow one way..but na lie, me and dem go still jam again....and i hate them for everything they are.

Abeg, make i go sleep...peace out folks. enjoy your day !!

Happy thanksgiving !!

hi peeps, how are ya'll doing, hope ya'll doing good. How was your turkey day...hope you all had a good one. I can imagine the generations of turkey that lost their loved ones - boyfriends, girlfriends, uncles and aunties - on thanksgiving...yea, its that sad. Unfortunately, only one turkey gets pardoned on thanksgiving day. Why can't we pardon all turkeys.

Happy thanksgiving peeps, but spare the turkeys !!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Gone till November..

Hi peeps, it sure feels like I've been away for so long. I've just been really busy at work..dem no gree me see road at all..any sha i dey hail o..I will be back soon...very soon !!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Bullets and Halloween !!

My people, I no say some people where dey come this my blog dey come with bullet proof...because as I just dey review this my blog, I just dey discover so many grammatical be say I wan kill persin just be say I no dey fit review my posts since no be Jamb una no vex o...if anybody need bullet proof vest, make u send me email..I go send am no wan make anybody die for my blog o...and if you no wan wear bullet proof, I go teach you how to dodge o..I be professional...I don dodge better bullets for this my life, no be small..infact, I even surprise say I still dey kampe considering the kain bullets and atomic bombs where i don if you need coaching, holla at me...u go pay sha.

On another note, today's halloween and kids are out "trick or treating". I didn't realize we had so many little kids in NYC until, they are sooo much...and then I remembered I didn't buy any candies..damm..if these children come knocking on my door and I have no candies, they could all gang up and mob'm not going to let that happen..anyway, I don't think that would be a problem, I have some will be handing out plantains in lieu of candies they won't get too pissed off...afterall giving plantains is better than giving hear noises and a knock on my neighbours door, i think they are i go to handout out !!

WARNING: I no get time review this post, if you no wear your bullet proof....make you dey careful o..i no fit shout..ah, dem don come..I don go!! Happy halloween to all !!

Monday, October 29, 2007

Lost forever

In the news today reporting from NYC, I saw a young man riding (well, trying to) a bike and I couldn’t help but smile….and when I could hold it anymore, I began to laugh…lol…as the man struggled to control the bike affectively. It was such a funny sight since it reminded me so much of myself. During my grad school days, I had a Spanish room mate (who was always referred to as the “fat hairy Spanish guy”, and who’s still one of my best friends….it was a sight seeing him on a bike…lol..Imagine a fat guy all hunched up on a bike, trying to maneuver the bike with ease, etc…lol…it was “sometimes” a really funny sight… of those “wonders shall never end”..

Anyway, back to my story, so you know, just coming from naija where I had my own car and all that…I couldn’t imagine stepping…that was what it seemed like then - to a bicycle- keke – igwe..ah!, no be me o…lol…man, as a las giddy boy..the only people I could remember using bikes constantly were the palm wine when my eye clear, I realized that using a bike was the most convenient thing for me since school and most stores were a few blocks away and most grad. students then all had a bike – it was like a grad student cult thing…lol…with your bag strapped to your side, filled up with books and going to your lab late at night when most students were going home to rest – that was your identity, and if you were not social – that was your life as well…lol..but not me sha – I dey crash parties well well…lol

So anyway sha, in naija I stopped riding a bike when I was 12 or something…and I stopped because of an event that I’ll never forget. You see, my father never allowed us to ride a bike in the city…lol…d man dey fear make all those danfo driver no go kill im pikins after all the money…so we were only allowed to ride when we traveled to the villa (abi na country side, as I dey take describe am for…so as kids, it was one of those things we eagerly looked forward to at Christmas – apart from all the excess food…lol. So on this day, as was usual in the villa, I was riding a bike with my brothers and cousins in tow when suddenly, feeling a rush of adrenaline and whatever else…maybe it was the devil…I decided to cycle faster…and without realizing it. I found myself descending down a hill at about 160mph…lol...seriously, I no lie, I was going that fact….man, and I was screaming so loud that I think God must have heard my voice in heaven…my legs could not help me slow down at the speed. Good thing I was sane enough to realize that using the brakes were not the best option…I would have been catapulted from the bike…I honestly believe I went to heaven and came…it was so scary…and what happened next…hmmm.. I don’t know where the wisdom to do that came from at that time.

I looked down the road and realized that if I get to the bottom of hill, I was probably going to end up with broken legs/arms or maybe much worse…that was when I realized that I could crash…yea, practically crash…lol…into the high shrubs, bushes, plants whatever you call it…..on the sides of the road…and that was exactly what I did…I rode my bike, which had become a super jet at that time, into the shrubs and it reduced my speed and I finally stopped… of course, not without some bruises though…lol...but I was alive, and that was what mattered ! After that day…no more for me, I called it quits…that was the end of my bike riding experience, until I became a grad student in the US.

So you can imagine my trepidation (make I blow small when I got to grad school in Pennsylvania and realized I could save a lot more money if I got a bike for my local transport…and maybe help the environment as well…hmm…it was a tough decision Man, initially it was like “me ke, a naija man…how I go reach yankee come dey use way”…which kain tin be dat...infact when I tell my naija friends and brothers na so dem dey laugh me, dey yab me…call me baba suwe !! Man, after I get the bike sha…within a week, my riding skills don come back…no more unnecessary stunts…hahah….infact e remain small, I for don go contest for “Tour de France” with Lance Armstrong dem….na my papa dem come dey beg…. But it was actually a good exercise, cos I began to enjoy th experience especially as I had a good bike…but I had to discard the riding after all the girls began complaining that they never could talk to me…lol…since I apparently spent a lot of time breezing past people and never stopping to chat with them…lol…so in the interest of decided to cut down on the bike riding…lol….dat na lie sha( wink, wink)…and finally, my dear bike was stolen. It took me everywhere – class, parties, grocery stores, bank, etc – the only place it didn’t take me to was on a date, lol - I miss my bike, my partner…wherever you’re, I want you to know that I loved you…anyway sha, I don already swear for who nab dat my bike…lol…

On a different note, did anyone watch the program “How to catch a con man” on NBC last night…man, all the con men that were shown on TV were all naijas in the UK…wich level now, wetin dey happen …infact all of dem na ibo men…sold out by their “okoro” waoh…it was really hilarious seeing them twitching and fumbling when they realized they were on TV…and their faces would be broadcast to the whole world.

Anyway, sha…make I go back to work..make my oga no come catch me here…abi una wan make I go follow dem do yahoo-yahoo…peace out folks !!

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Marriage fever in town.

My people, wetin dey happen for naija...abi this na world wide virus. Everytime i dey chat with my friends especially the ones for so so "which time u go marry be the question dem go dey ask me"..ah waoh..wetin so person dey take marry. Just becos persin finish school, come dey work na wife be the next thing...i don tire o. If to say persin don ck old age..ehen...then discussion...which kain tin be this.

I just dey wonder whether dat na the new measure of social status...abi na which kain tin be dat one. Dem go dey point out all the people where don be persin where start first dey finish first...dat is if destination dey inside marriage..i don wish dem good luck and give them my waoh... Man,I come dey think of wetin some naija women dey go thru if dem neva marry...papa go call...mama go call..everybody go dey call the poor girl say make she go, women dey try o...cos all these few harassments don tire me ...not to talk of women and dat one na from all angles. Chikena...make una free me. Persin where wan go marry make e go, i go do am without any pressures...

If the persin wan become baba ibeji wahala, na your wife. Abeg, make this marriage fever no grip me, because I go vex for persin. No be say persin go settle down when im don old finish, but na at the right time.

On anoda note, i hear say american visa lottery don come out make every where wan come america go apply...i don tell my brother say I don tire for dat visa since 1988 na im my people don dey apply yet no body close to me don win...which kain tin be dat so we take get bad luck....ah ah...right from the days before internet na m we don dey sha, i know say people dey good luck to everyone.

Anyway sha, my people how una dey..hope say every dey kampe !! Make una get a good week without any "go marry" Abeg, if you sabi any better place to chill out for Vancouver canada, abeg make u holla me..i need to know the right places to check out when i enter dat side...i go tell una about my doctor's (abi na veterinary's) visit last week, dat one na anoda funny tory...the kain tins where my eye don see...peace out folks !!

Saturday, October 20, 2007


Pals, last night I saw things that I hope never to see again....infact two disturbing trends. If you remember my post on "Everyday porn" a couple of months back, then I must report back that conditions are really degenerating at an alarming rate that might require legislation to curtail this, enough of all this big Here's what happened. Friday night, I hopped on the train on my way back to Manhattan...the car is not so filled up....just me sitting opposite a girl and a couple sitting close to her. The train is moving and I'm looking at my wrist watch and hoping the damm train would move faster so I can meet up with my friends....and what would happen when you want the train to move fastest?...the train infront of ours breaks down and we're trapped in the tunnel for about 20 mins without moving...hmm, reminded me of traffic in las Man, things begin to get out of hand at that point..the couple - the guy and the girl - began making out...I mean real making smooching, open lips, you could actually see the vapor, I was honestly sweating at the sweating from the heat in the train, but sweating from what I was looking at...LIVE !!..and to cap it all..I overheard the guy telling the girl that they should move to the back of the !! Back train ke...dis people don craze o...which kain back of train..wetin wan happen for wasn't funny in any way....they weren't content with just making out in the full glare of also noticed the girl sitting opposite me twitching...hahahah....that was so hilarious....and my prayers were answered soon enough..the train began moving and I got out of are really getting out of hand o...i don talk am o...make we make law...infact the one I saw that same night confirmed my fears..

Anyway, the more serious issue where I see that same night na Man-to-man action LIVE !!! Dis one no be pay-per-view...dis na free-for-all. I'm standing at the subway station with my friends waiting for the train and these two men walk down the platform...and before you even talk Jack, they began kissing, smooching and all...geez. I don't have anything against gay people...but man, that wasn't a good sight for me...I couldn't even If I did..the image would remain in my mind for a long time and e fit even affect my performance in future..u know wetin I mean, things are really getting serious on these subway was really a very exciting night...especially after you've had a few drinks and experince all these..wetin dey happen o !!...Olorun, e gba wa o !! Peace out !!

Peace out folks...have a great weekend y'all.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Close to death

While watching TV tonight, I stumbled on this station where a doctor was shown performing a surgery and it reminded me of how many times I've been under the knife - twice- no be say e plenty like that o - lol.

First time, I went in for surgery was when in 99 in Abeokuta. You see I had this small keloid (I hope that's how its spelt) on my back that I was born with and I had accepted as part of me. We went to this hospital - Mercy hospital, in Abeokuta - I'm sure some of you probably know the hospital cos its supposed to be one of the best and biggest there. The doctor took a look at it and was like, "ah, no problem, I can take care of's very easy", I looked at my dad and he looked at me and asked me if I wanted to do it since there are chances it could grow back and perhaps even BIGGER !! Man, that was a very tricky decision, but after much debate and thinking over the next couple of weeks, I decided to do it..yea, become a bit more perfect - wrong was I. Well, the doctor promised to give me steroid injections to suppress the growth of the keloid, which sounded like it might help. went into the surgery, by the time the doctor sliced my back..omo, I felt the pain o...geez, it wasn't a good experience.

Anyway, the surgery went well and I was discharged while the part I was operated on was put in bandages. Na so i go back to lagos go dey chill. A week after, I went back to the hospital....and as is common in Nigeria, the nurse removed the stiches...without actually checking if it was alright to remove it, just because it's common to remove stitches after a, that woman almost killed Mr Fine boy o...ah ah..imagine what the loss would have been to the world, how much more the

Anyway sha, na im i go back to Lagos go chill. After a couple of days, the wound got infected !! ....i have no idea how that happened...but apparently some virus, bacteria or whatever got into it..and man, the wound started smelling really really bad...I was a working I went back to see the doctor again, and after waiting for some hourse, I finally saw the doctor. The doctor opened the wound..and the man screamed..when i say screamed, I mean this man im i look the man face, omo, i don die be dat...e remain small i for don dey cry already....Mo gbe o, mo ti ku o, chineke nna biko so I come dey beg God o...infact, I expected the next words from the doctors mouth to be " Dude, I'm sorry but you only have 24 hrs to live, so go back to lagos and finish your business and prepare for death"...ah, na to go write my, na only my shirts and trozees(lol) i been get that time sha...i go fit will am go give salvation army, i fit even chuk woman born pikin for that 24 hrs sef, make my name no lost- how you check am now, then I go do some kain things where I go like do, then finally I go go church go necessarily in that order, but man, i gats die inside church, or on top my bed alone...God forbid person die on top

But seriously, what type of doctor should even does that (screaming infront of your patient ), and the man should have known with his years of, na so the doctor summon the nurse, call the lab to begin to run, afraid grip me well tay I dey sweat reach my never born pikin sha, the man was really annoyed with the nurse, I was IMMEDIATELY readmitted into the hospital...and after a few days on antibiotics, he felt it was ok to go back to the theatre.

Yea, I went back a second time !! and it was stitched up again. Man, this time, i tell dem say make dem leave that stitches for atleast 1 month no fit shout o. At the end of the day, the keloid still came back, and a little bit bigger than it was initially..but I thank God, it didn't grow to something astronomical or even noticeable. Man, I actually thought I had come to the end of my life then when that doctor screamed and everything became an come dey think of everything where I go girlfriend most the money where I wan make..chei, chineke biko, abasi mbok, na so I dey beg God that all

Second time where I go surgery, na the same mistake again..i just tire for nigerian doctors that time..dem remove the stitches early again...and the wound never heal....but this time, it was not infected...but I had to go back to the theatre o - two surgeries, four visits to the operating room. And the thing where vex me pass be say dem do the surgery near my "thing" so all these small residents for hospital go dey see my, e no easy initially...after some time, i no just send. Infact, e get one day where the doctor and the residents just enter my room for hospital, as dem just enter na im I don comot my cloth im the doctor, say " need for that today" don become exhibitionist I no fit come follow any of those fine medical chicks dem don see my thing finish, use am play sef....who even know whether dem dey discuss my "thing" i hope say e compare for scale sha..hahahahh

Peace out folks, make I go sleep...i get meeting at 8:30 tomorrow.....why person go schedule meeting for that kain time sef...i know say i go dey sleep inside dat meeting...stay cool buddies

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Life in the city

Today I was having lunch with a friend of mine from work and we had a very interesting conversation as such:

Me: (while chewing meat): Dude, I don't think we humans should eat meat, I think its completely wrong and doesn't go with human advancement.

Him: ummh,I don't think so, eating meat has to do with the inborn instincts, after all we're animals and a lot of animals eat meat

Me: Yes, thats completely true, but we're supposed to be higher animals and should avoid blood as much as possible. We should differentiate

Him: Yes, thats true, but like I told you we're still animals, no matter what. Even if you train a lion to eat vegetables, the day it tastes blood it will definitely go after its owner irrespective of love (lol)..thats the way it's born. it's in the blood.

Me: But don't you think that with the level of maturity of man, we should be more of vegetarians. Remember the early men did a lot of hunting and ate a lot of probably uncooked meat before he discovered how to cook meat thoroughly and avoid the blood, but nowadays you find people ordering for medium rare steak, etc; which comes half cooked with the blood dripping and people are cuting, slicing and chewing (lol) its normal...dude that absolutely not normal.

He looked at me, and smilling sheepishly continued

Him: Dude, your point makes a lot of sense now. Well what do you expect, even men have started "eating" women (lol)..I'm pretty sure the early man didn't do

For a brief moment, I didn't understand what he meant, then I caught it and burst into laughter....only for me to notice that the girls sitting on the next table were all laughing as well

Me: So what do women do, since they obviously can't "eat" men?

Him: Laughing out loud...they suck'em dry...Lol..hilarious !!

Reminds me of when I heard a girl describing to her two gay friends and a girl friend of hers how her boy friend gave her a "Pearl necklace" which she said in a conniving tone and obviously couldn't be translated literally....and I'm sitting on the adjacent table and I'm wondering what the hell that good enough, her girl doesn't know what it means and everyone else at the table is laughing at her for not knowing the meaning ....and her friend finally explains to her what it means.

Guess what this girl said after the explanation, you'd expect her to nod her head and say understood. No, the girl actually shouted with a wave of her hand "Oh is that what it means...I get that all the time", I had to turn round to put a face to that !! Things you see and hear in nyc don't marvel me any more. If you don't know what "Pearl necklace " means..go find might just have experienced it without knowing what its out folks !!!

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Playing the field

The good thing about friday nights in NYC is that you go out without plans but at the end of the night (or the early morning), you've gone the length and breadth of the city. Yes, that was precisely me last night. I'm so used to not making plans in advance since I'm so used to going with the flow and its so much more fun that way when the nights brings unexpected things. So it's almost 5.00pm on friday, and I realized that for the past couple of weekends, I haven't been out. So I pick up the phone, make two phone calls to two very dependable friends who'd always light up the night no matter how dark/late it, they are both very crazy friends. With a couple of friends from work, we decided to head down to a place called "Players" in Korea town in nyc. It's so suprising how you get to 32nd str/Broadway and all you have is Koreans, and then you get to the other side and it becomes a mixed population. Man, Players lounge was awesome, definitely a place to check out. We got a few drinks, had some spicy octopus octopus no big like the one for tv... From there, we moved to down to play some pool at this place called players II. It's one of those places thats too cool that it seems really sketchy. All pool tables, and no alcohol....who does that in nyc....and how much do they make from just pools to pay the rent..there has to be some thing under the tables, but I was content with playing pool and getting out of there; and after spending some time there, it was time to finally begin the was midnight.

From there, we moved down to a hotel in one of nyc's choicest areas (Chelsea) where one of our friends works at and where they have a really nice bar/nite club. It feels so good to be while the mortals were in a long line trying to get into the club..we were ushered in immediately like superstars into the, did that feel good. Now I know how Paris Hilton and the rest of them feel like...seems I'm going to quit my job and go into something more kidding. So we get in to the club and the entire place is filled with half naked women and drunken men try to grope them..geez, I sure was in the right place, time to put on my tiger skin...and

I couldn't help imagining how the scantily clad girls in that club got there inspite of how cold it was outside, but when I pointed that out to my friend..he looked at me, and asked me if I was complaining about that..ummh, well, I shouldn't So we get a couple of drinks (on the house of course) and then it was time to roll. With so many women to choose from, it was difficult (atleast for me), to make a choice. I didn't want to settle for any 6/10, it had to be atleast 9/10; and no matter which, it had to be done finally we start with some cute asian girls that seemed to need some how cold it might get on their way home. I have long discovered that in a place like a club where it's so noisy, there's absolutely no need bothering to make conversations, unlike my friend who tried to do that and lost his voice by the time we left the All I asked was her name and what does she do...and I must confess that I wasn't even interested in her answers cos my ear drums were already bursting...all I wanted was to dance, etc (PG rated).

It still feels weird to me how you start dancing with a girl in frat parties, clubs, etc, and the next minute you are doing things that would make the show be classified as PG I danced with her for aboout 30 mins, and after doing....sorry, dancing, as much as I wanted was time to move on ; so I feigned being tired and left her. I moved to a different side, and from there, I observed my next like an eagle observing its prey...or more like a tiger crouching before attacking its prey. I sighted a black cute chick, and decided that was my next dance partner, moved close to her, and I was in. Started dancing..and all...and I couldn't help smiling remembering why I'm called the "Crazy nigerian", or "god" by a different story since I don't want to digress.

So I'm dancing with this girl for 30 mins and doing all the crazy steps that I'm known for, etc, without having spoken a that crazy. After 45 mins. because she could dance really well, and I was sort of feeling her as well , I decided to ask her name. "Kofo's my name", Kofe ke, I, that calls for more investigation...I decided to break my first law of not making too many conversations, so I took her to a less noisy section for a little UN security council meeting was very positive, unlike the russian/american lets see, lol.

After dancing a bit more with her and a few others, it was time to leave. Then suddenly I noticed that one of my friends was about to get into a fracas with some other guys...i rushed down there to give him cover, what was it about..some disputed territorial interference...I no fit shout o. I remembered a friend that was shot In texas, and as we no get power for that kain thing, na im I try cool everything down, but apparently one of my friends that we left behind at the club had some problems with them again after we left, and he said they had a rod in thier dem break my head for there, wetin dem go tell my papa and o.

By the time we left the club, it was 4;45am, and I knew I had to get home before sunrise..the sun must not rise while I'm still awake else I'm completely I rushed down to the train station with other friends...get on the train..switch trains..fall asleep on the was really hilarious, and woke up just before the last stop for the train.... when I opened my eyes, all the people in train were all gone and it was just a few people left, but I was consoled to find out there ware others who had fallen asleep and must have missed their stop as well and were still sleeping soundly when I left the, I got a train to take me back and this time I stayed awake the entire time. Got home at 6:10 am, and hit the bed immediately. I woke up at a night !! But it was good..exciting...and another night awaits..tonight.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Developing Economic Crisis:

For those of you in the US and other parts of the world who have been consistently keeping up with the recent changes in the economy one of the world’s super power - the United States of America, then you’re probably aware of the recent cuts in interest rates by the Federal Reserve Board. For those who have not been keeping up, this is a brief summary of what has been going on in our dear Yankee!!

The sub prime mortgage crisis which has been hitting the US started in 2006, but its effects were started being severely felt in July 2007. Sub prime lending is a practice where loans are given to individuals who have bad or poor credits and cannot qualify for the loans under "normal" loan agreements. In other words, these people have bad credits and there is a high risk in giving them loans and as such the interest rates for such loans are very high and very few companies are able to do that. There are a lot of companies in the US that specialize in sub-prime loans and these can be taken out for mortgages on houses, cars, etc.

What happened: People took out mortgages on houses years ago and hoping that the US economy would continue to grow or remain stable, agreed to pay the high interest rates on the sub-prime mortgages they took out.

Causal Effects: As a result of a lot of factors including a slowdown in US economy caused partly by the Iraqi/Afghanistan war, changes in the global economy - China exports so much and keeps its currency devalued, India is fast emerging on the scene, European economy is growing -, fluctuations in oil prices caused by unrests in Nigeria, the middle east and a host of other factors which all contributed to created a cataclysmic effect on the economy of the US that resulted in huge defaults by lenders.

Although foreclosures have been occurring in the sub-prime mortgage market for sometime, it was most noticeable in 2007 and climaxing in July when there were large foreclosures of properties (where the properties are retrieved by the lenders, and resold to recover the loans). Numerous companies declared bankruptcy and a greater slowdown in the US economy occurred, leading major economies around the world to begin to shore up the values of the dollar to prevent a major collapse. Not wanting to be a dooms day prophet, you probably realize what a major recession in the US economy would mean for the entire world…it’s unimaginable!! For several weeks, Wall Street (and the entire world) has been in a pensive mood regarding what the Feds would do to help increase the liquidity in the economy and shore up the value of the dollar in order to restore confidence in the dollar. Some had suggested that the US government should help the lenders with more flexible lower interest rate loans to help them repay their sub-prime mortgages loans. In my opinion as with most others that I have discussed with, this won’t be a sound strategy because it could further encourage more people to take out such high risk loans and default on the payment if they know they have a “big brother” who would comes come to their help.

Solution: The only solution seemed to cut interest rates in the US, allowing banks to lend money to people with adjustable interest rates. The overall effect should be more liquidity in the economy and maybe leading to growth. As everyone who has taken basic economics knows, more money in the economy has a high tendency to lead to inflation and recession, and this has been predicted by Alan Greenspan (former chairman of the Federal Reserve). It’s been less than two days that the interest rates were cut in the, and today the dollar was at its weakest against the dollar, and for the first time since 1976, the US dollar and the Canadian dollar were at par.

What this means is that for consumers coming to the US to shop; things would be extremely cheap while very expensive if you’re going to countries in Europe, Asia, etc. This is a very disturbing trend for the entire world since most economies are somehow dependent on the US economy with most of their trades done with the US dollar. Several weeks ago, the price of gold went up so much as a result of the rush of people to convert their liquidity to gold, since that is an object that has its own intrinsic value. The price of crude oil has also gone up.

Let’s all keep our fingers crossed, and pray that everything turns out well.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

African Champions !!!

Yay!!! Nigeria are U-17 soccer champions !!! Let's begin the celebration, it feels so good to win a major world trophy after several near-misses. Congratulations to the boys....

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Life's tales

6 funny things I remember in my life...

1. When I went to a public secondary school in Nigeria, I was so naive coming from a private school that my sandals were stolen from my't ask how it was stolen..hahaha. Anyway, I had to walk home bare footed!!!, under the smoldering and scorching that day, no be person tell me make I hold my sandals well well. Now it's so funny, but on that day, it sure wasn't. Imagine me, forming big boy in SS1 home bare, I wasn't walking, I must have been I don't think I would have been walking in that hear.

2. In secondary school, I remembered my trousers were a tiny bit too Jackson style..such that nerds were associated with such trousers in school..but it was cool, since the nerds got the girls then..hahahah...but that was then, I'm sure it's not that way any more which I why I have completely dropped my nerdy

3. Growing up, I remember I was so small that on the day I had to go buy my SSCE exam aunt had to go with, my father won't let me go alone...make u dey laugh, a whole big boy like me...and one the most embarassing things happened on that day. We met this woman/gbe bo run/gbe fila on the way to get the forms and she wanted to know where we were going to, so my aunt told her we were going to buy exam forms...and what did she say." Oh, you're almost done with primary school" was so embarassing..Infact, if to say my hand go reach her face, i for don wooz am better the woman fat small sha, so she fit squeeze me like

4. On that same day, on the way to buy the exam forms, I was alomst crushed to death by a truck..yes o, but God dey my side. It was so close, I could have been dead now. Maybe I was still fuming from the insult upon injury earlier

5. When I was really young (12 and below), I would slap my brothers on their heads whenever they annoyed was very they would go screaming to my father, and when my father asked me if I did that; I would say "I only tapped them on the head" been deal with those boys sha...hahahahhah

6. I remember I was voted the most sought after guy in my was really interesting..arrgh, where are all of those beautiful gals was when my dropping my nerdy attributes started paying off..ahahah..and I almost started moving towards becoming a Major league I met someone, and everything

Peace out folks !! Have a great week everyone.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

The great beasts come home to roost...

After preparations that lasted about three years, the man labeled as the “wasp” thought to himself, “Yes, I’m ready”. He was ready to go into the jungle in search of the great beast that had defied him for the past three years. It wasn’t the first time he had gone hunting in the last few years, but he had not been on a serious hunting expedition in a long time that he thought he’d lost all the techniques necessary to make a kill. Like his fathers said, “To catch the great beast, you’ve learn how to crouch like a tiger, hide your spots in the jungle, and most importantly strike when the iron is hot”, and that was exactly what he set out to achieve.
His preparations for this great hunting expedition was intensifying with each passing day, and with each training routine he accomplished, he felt he was getting ready for the day when he would go in search of the great beasts. He had put in a lot of efforts into his preparation though he admitted to himself that he was lucky because he was naturally endowed with all the skills necessary to hunt the great beasts. Having all the skills necessary for the great beast hunting should make things easier he thought, but as always happens, most great beasts run very far when a hunter with such skills as his entered the jungle to feed. The premonition that a great hunter was out sent out electric effects round the great beast kingdom triggering a domino effect, such that even the best hunters find it very difficult to pick a target.

He had hunted great beasts in a previous kingdom, and since moving to this new kingdom, he realized that he had to refine his hunting skills. This realization dawned on him when he attempted his first kill in the new kingdom using his time tested methods of charming the beast, ensnaring it and finally taking it by the throat. Needless to say, it ended in disaster because as he realized afterwards, his charming powers had not had the intended effect and sadly, it was the first time he had failed in a major kill. The chain of events triggered off by that failed kill ensured that his strategy was known to his preys, and he decided to take a hiatus and re strategize. During this hiatus, he had come out only to feed on lonely and lost great beasts in the dead of the nights, and using them to fine tune the methods he had developed for his first major kill. Indeed, at this time he knew and felt more confident that he had mastered the art of hunting the great beasts in this new kingdom and it was time to pick up his gauntlet again.

As part of his training regimen, he frequently visited the kingdoms jungles to see the various types of great beasts existing in them. On this day, he went into the jungle to meditate and have a feel of the environment as part of his usual training methods. The jungle was filled up with an assorted number and varieties of great beasts, great beasts that were so fierce looking like he had never seen. Truly, he didn’t know that such great beasts exist and their ferocity and tenacious manners made them very remarkable and enticing preys.

He wasn’t entirely ready for his great hunting expedition, and he knew he wasn’t prepared to make a kill yet but today seemed very different. He couldn’t exactly define why that day seemed different, perhaps it was the strong gush of winds that was flowing from his energy store that made the great beasts sway to the sound of music it produced, or maybe it was the new color that he had adopted as his camouflage. The great beasts all swarmed around him like bees drawn to nectar, he could understand if they didn’t realize that he was a hunter on a reconnaissance mission. It was happening faster that he had anticipated and there were two great beasts that stood out in the pack. He took both of the great beasts to the top of the hill, and there he discovered to his utter amazement that he could make both kills with a single shot. Making two kills with one shot was a very delicate skill, and only the greatest masters could achieve such a feat. To make both kills, he realized that he would need to take both great beasts to opposite ends but keep them aligned together in order to ensure a perfect kill with a single strike. He had his entire strategy all planned out in his mind, and then it finally dawned on him….the great hunt had begun without him actually planning it and he questioned his preparedness at this time.

To be continued….

Monday, August 20, 2007

Camels gone wild !!!

Hey buddies,
Check out this link. I think it's quite intriguing.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Dancing kings!!

Hey people, check out this's really interesting and might put a smile on your face, and was made by a bunch of phillipine prisoners. The man-woman in the clip is a transvestite in jail, so have no fear got me usual!! Shouldn't transvestites have their own separate jails? yea...seriously, what do ya'll think? Peace out !!

Monday, August 13, 2007

E no easy !!

My People, today has not been easy o. Infact if not for the vegetable soup where i dey think of the entire time for office, I for don sleep inside my cube..tay !! Anyway sha make una see wetin happen o. For dat kain 3pm, na im sleep come dey catch me as I don finish wetin I wan do today, na im I come remember the vegetable wey I get for fridge...ummh...small time na im my mind just remember my mama soup for so wahala begin o. I just begin to design and implement my soup for my do, no im my mouth begin water....omo e tough o. Na im I come see say I no go fit siddon here, na im i go raid the pantry for my office...go get small food chop for

As I come dey come back, I come remember say I no get pepper for house when I don come down from the train....i talk for my mind...NEVER..omo, na so I waka 10 blocks o...thats 20 blocks to and fro...all for my vegetable soup. Anyway sha, my vegetable soup don set....and as I dey smell the thing from dis place ehn...once I knack that better sleep be dat You see, the way where I dey take cook my food ehn...e too be joke my friends dey tell me say my wife no go need to, I no mind o, i dey enter kitchen anytime. Infact for house, na so me and my mama dey fight for her so she go dey pursue from her wetin dey, for me cooking be like chemical engineering, put all the ingradients in the right proportions and better food don like chemical reaction...As for me o, the main thing na to make sure say u season your meat well i dey add every..basil leaves, oregano leave,s parsil, italian seasoning, salt, etc....and once the meat dey well seasoned, better food don shele. ...this one no be Ireti catering practical o...this one na ogbonge

My people, all na chemistry meat + better seasoning = nice taste...and the other part of the cooking, na the secret of my cooking!!!...I no fit reveal am here..if you need the recipe, send me email along with your $$$$ na only paypal I dey accept o...pele!!, I no dey accept credit card...anyway sha, e be like say my soup don ready o....una dey smell am for don tay where i chop this kain food..abeg, make I go chop o, before I drown inside my saliva for, I remember "mama zing ting" for uniben, guys survive on that woman o in those so we go dey chop this woman soup with enough water and na so we go dey fight with flies with one hand..e no people, i dey invite una o...make una come follow me be say una go come o, una go say thank out ppl !!!

Monday, August 6, 2007

Everyday porn...

Hey buddies, how are you all today? Hope you all had a good day !! Mine was good as well except for the fact that I'm been tortured to watch soft porn EVERYDAY !! Alright guys, let me explain my predicament. Each day I've to take the subway (train) to work.....yea, some of you already know what I'm about to talk about especially if you've been esposed to it as well and probably felt the same way. When I get to the train station, there is a couple(or more) cuddling, kissing, smooching (light, sometimes even heavy), etc and I'm saying in my mind "dude, why not wait till you get home, or are you guys not coming from somewhere" take care of your business somewhere else, I don't want to see all these...arrgh. In digust, I turn to look the other way and lo and behold, there is another couple doing the same thing and I'm screaming in my head along with the extreme could drive you insane.......and finally, the train arrives..Thank God.

I gladly run into the train.....and there again...another bunch of teenagers kissing and everything else...arrgh..what is this? Alright, perhaps I'm being too sensitive, but then again, I think they should be sensitive to others around them...and for christ sake, there are children around these places !!! A little bit of moderation in the show of affection would be proper, especially in these public places.

You know, I just thought about culture differences. Imagine a young boy/girl going into a danfo or worse, and kissing, smooching, those old men and women would curse them out with the worst names ever then again that's Nigeria, where the moral standards are different. Sometimes on these trains, especially when the trains are very crowded, you just have no option than to see these soft porn scenes....perhaps I should go get a girlfriend to smooch on the train and train station as well....ummh, that would be, but then again I have more respect for people around me. Anyway, I hope these porn scenes doesn't move to the next level know what I mean. Alright peeps, I'm out.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

First day at work

As a follow up to my post on the Nigerian police, there's an article in "The News" news paper of yesterday on the Nigerian police abandoning their duties of combatting crime, and rather going in pursuit of sex workers and scantily clad women and men. Click here to go to the site, though I don't know how long the article will be up on the site. I also took this picture from that site hoping to determine which of these women were indecently clad. Please help me identify which os them were indecently dressed, although the police claims they are sex workers !!

And to think that it was the police boss himself that paraded these women to the press, apparently forgetting that his men and innocent people are dying on the streets. Misplaced priorities !! What a shame !!
Anyway, back to my first day at work. ..I could barely sleep the night before inspite of going to bed late, because I didn't want to have the unfortunate luck of waking up late on my first is inspite of the fact that I set two alarm clocks, you know incase one fails, the other would was so paronoid !!!
I woke up a countless times in the night and finally, I couldn't take it anymore, I woke up an hour before I got to the office an hour ahead of time !!! well better too early than late...especially on your first day !!! You'll forever be known for it.
Then began the orientation, introductions, etc. talking about Medical, dental, permanent disability, partial disability, life insurance etc. I think I should talk about the partial disability thing. I didn't know that how much you received in compensation for a disability was determined on what body part(s) you lost - both hands, both legs, one hand and one leg, two hands and one leg, loss of sight, etc - and the more you lost, the more money you got. ..It was really surprising to me, since you have to lose quite a lot of your body parts to get quite a lot of money as well...ummh, would anyone be willing to lose both hands for a million dollars, or lose their sight for the same amount of me, no way, Thank you!!! I was going to ask the woman explaining all these things to us...What happens, if you lose both hands and both legs, Do you get the total sum for each individual part you lose? was have been really gross and shocking...and would probably have startled her and everyone else in the room..hahahahah...but I didn' my head works sometimes..crazy !!!
Anyway, now I also understand why a man/woman would kill their partner ( partner since same sex couples are also covered) in order to get the money from their life insurance which could really be a lot....Now I feel that my life is more valuable, ummh, did that come out right? well, financially......I no say make person come find me o, na my benefactor go get the money can imagine a group of young people listening to all these things on disability, death, etc on a Monday was really quite amusing and electrifying...I couldn't help laughing silently...In order to keep my self awake throughout , I looked at everybodys face to determine what their reactions I swear, I could see deep fear in, I began to think of death too...scary !!! It was quite an introduction.
I remembered an inside joke with my brothers.... aunt of mine in Nigeria who was labelled "Maria, messenger of death" by my mean....You see, when I was in Nigeria, when some one dies in the village, Maria was, unfortunately, always resposible for bringing such news to my parents and each time she came to our house, my brothers would wait around just to hear what she had to say before returning to what they were busy they finally determined that her looks could always tell if it was just a plain visit or a death only she knew.
Alright, this is getting quite long, so I'd continue some other time, but my first day went really well, and i I also found out that I don't need to wear a tie every day..yay..., unless I have a meeting or something.....yay !!...I'm happy for relieved.; all I need are business casuals.
Peace out folks !!

Sunday, July 29, 2007

My Journey begins...

Tomorrow, I will begin a journey that I can not tell where or when it would end, but wherever it ends, whenever it ends and whatever it ends up with, I hope it ends very well. Perhaps, someday I would look back at this day and remember when I began this journey. I would recall all the uncertainties and the deep fear I had in me when it all began, and a hopefully a smile would creep through my face as I tell this story to a different generation. I have waited for this day for a long long time, and finally here it is, and all I can feel is INDIFFERNCE. Thats amazing for something you've looked forward to for a greater part of my life, and now its about to happen, I don't have any feelings.

A new chapter would be opened in the book called "my life", when I leave the life I have known all my life for a new and different path in life. Tomorrow I would officially be joining the working class. yay. School days are suspended for now !!! After high school about a decade ago, all I could dream of was being successful and making all that MONEY $$$ in it's taken me this amount of time to get there......that point where I feel I'm ready.

These past few weeks, I've gone shopping to get all my suits, shirts, etc for work which I must confess has left me wondering so much about life. I studied engineering in college, and I never imagined being like my father who had to dress in corporate attires every day for work. I prayed so much not to have to dress like him, and consoled myself that with an engineering degree, I won't need to, but how wrong I was. I would be working in a financial services firm, and I would have to dress up each day. How I ended up there, is a story for another day. I had to learn how to knot a tie yesterday, since I never bothered to learn before now as I didn't feel it was necessary, but again, I was wrong.

I'm not excited and I'm not scared either for tomorrow, I'm just chill, whatever that means. Anyway, I'm sure it would go well and I can't wait to write about my first day at work. The journey has begun, and where it ends, I don't know. Thats life....unpredictable..but it's been good to me on this journey, and I hope it stays that way!!! Peace out .

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Smoking hot.

I have been so busy this month and haven’t been able to write anything, but an article I just read on the BBC and some Nigerian newspapers has so infuriated me that I have to unburden my mind of the anger I feel lest I explode in a ball of hot smoking flames.

So what is it that has me fuming and cursing the entity called the Nigerian Police that has not only brought so much shame to the country but also exhibited the highest level of ineptitude, corruption and mismanagement in all the ailing public enterprises in Nigeria (My opinion). Recently, the new police boss in Lagos state directed his men to arrest all women (and men!!) dressed indecently or clad in skimpy outfits. In my opinion, this was a very ambiguous directive and knowing the zeal with which the policemen in Nigeria enforce such “no boundary” laws, I knew it would only be a matter of time before things go awry as usual.

Yesterday, about 90 girls (I wonder why there were no guys, or let’s watch) were arrested for indecent dressing and arraigned before a magistrate court in Lagos, Nigeria. There are several things wrong with this development. First of all, what is the definition of “indecent dressing”? Nigeria is not an Islamic state where women are require to cover themselves in its entirety, so who/how do they measure the level of indecent dressing. With my knowledge of the Nigerian police, I won’t be surprised that they picked up random women from the streets, and those that could bribe them immediately were allowed to go while those that could pay the prerequisite fees were held on to and arraigned before a judge.

Of all the duties to perform by the police, it’s enforcing decent dressing, on the premise that it could lead to “breakdown of peace”, how? I do need someone to let me know how women who are not properly dressed according to the definition of an individual would cause a breach in security or lead to a breakdown of law and order. There is so much crime to combat in Lagos and the police men in Nigeria are busy chasing after indecently dressed women…..Is Nigeria moving forward or backward….I won’t be surprised if these policemen go back to arresting people for wandering like they did several years ago.

The most annoying of the entire drama is that the magistrate that I would have expected to throw away such a ridiculous charge and reprimand the police for wasting tax payers moneys, granted these young girls bail with the sum of N20, 000 and a surety with a like sum, and according to the newspapers, most of these girls couldn’t afford it and are being sent to prison to reappear on the 24th of August!!! Almost a month in prison…for what…indecent dressing…what is the definition of indecent….is the country becoming an Islamic state or what….I hope this is not a prelude to what is about to come, I really hope not….probably, you’d understand why I’m really very upset….and this is happening in Lagos, the supposed nerve center of Nigeria and prominent city in Africa. I think it’s a big shame on the country, the Lagos state government, its police commissioner and his men.

Granted some these women may be prostitutes which is illegal in Nigeria since the police alleged that some of them were arrested at brothels, joints, etc, but I’m very sure that quite a lot of them are also innocent, and the overzealous Nigerian police were up to their usual tricks in arresting them. The newspapers reported that although some of the women were dressed provocatively, others were properly dressed. How did they all end up charged to court with indecent dressing, which according to the police could lead to a breach in security (alright, I would understand if they prevented the policemen in focusing their attention on fighting crime). Why did the magistrate judge not quash the entire case/drama/comedy and throw out the case into the sewers where it belongs, never to be brought up again?

Ummh…alright I’m done…I’m relieved... Let me go think, perhaps I’d understand this jig-saw.

Saturday, June 30, 2007


Goodbye June..Welcome July. Bring good tidings.

Thursday, June 28, 2007


I get this random emails from a friend, A, with so many funny messages, some of which can be very annoying especially the messages that say "Forward this email or YOU DIE "!!(No..they die !!! ); others are "sort of" funny and the rest, just plain stupid. I remember when I was job hunting and the first thing I did every morning was to check my email for updates on my job applications. I log onto my yahoo messenger, and its beeps "You have seven new messages"!!.

My heart begins to beat really loud, and I'm wondering if it's the companies I've been expecting their emails and I access my email account and there are a gazillion messages from A , priceline informing me of new ideals, yahoo mail services, sun java, and other unneeded messages in my life at that time. I'm screaming at the top of my voice, in my mind of course, lest my house mate thinks I've gone crazy. It was always so annoying !! I always had to do my best not to curse her out, or even place a spell on her or her computer or her hands, or the chair she sits on to send these messages or just anything I could swing my wand at. You know where I come from, you can place a spell on I think I have such powers, though I'm yet to test seriously, let no one dare me, else I'd use him/her/himher(for those that may have undergone a sex change) as my guinea pig. HAHAHAHAHA, thats sounds like the bad guys laughter and I'm supposed to be the good guy...No..used to...Wait a sec, yes, I'm still with the good guys atleast from the last time I , ummh, too much Harry Potter books.

Anyway, I got this email from A which I think is one of the good ones and funny, just like the other ones here that have all come from her. So here it goes, and I hope it puts a smile on someone's face, although it took me a second to figure out,

Mrs. Jenkins comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner...who lives witha female roommate Vikki... During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice howpretty Anthony's roommate was.

She had long been suspicious of arelationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interacts, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than meets the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Vikki and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Vikki came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?""Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat downand wrote:

Dear Mama,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the sugar bowl from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.


Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama,which read:

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Vikki, and I'm not saying thatyou 'do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl I put there bynow.


Lesson of the day ..... Mothers would always be wiser !!!
Perhaps now you'd see why it took me a second to figure it out. But shame on Anthony for indirectly accusing his mother of stealing his bowl...but wait a second....ummh...this is really weird...What does he and his housemate/partner/bed buddies/whatever use the silver sugar bowl for, other than eating that they couldn't get a new one.....Umm.. Food for thought. I'm off to think about that, new discoveries abound.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Apartment hunting.

Getting an apartment in a place like NYC is so much headache. Not only do I have to be very careful about where I live, so I don't move in to a neighbourhood and realize that its the distribution center for drugs or some other crazy s**t, it's just soooo absudly expensive. All the lovely places I have seen are between 1300-1500 dollars for a 1-br apartment, and yet I don't know why I'm supposed to pay such an amount for a 1-br apt . People are advised not to spend more than 33% of their monthly income on rent, and I'm trying to stay below that percentage or maybe that exact percentage if necessary. I remember telling my father about the amount it would cost me to get an apartment- a 1BR apt- and he seemed momentarily stunned when I told him it was just for a It's so ridiculous how much these apartments go for, ummh..I guess the presumption is that all New Yorkers must be well paid...and there is no f**king space left in that city.

Second option, get a house mate. Not likely. After my experience with my Sri Lankan house mate, living with a house mate doesn't seem like an option I would consider...anyway sha, make condition no make crayfish bend, because me I no go bend. I have completely ruled that option out. I had a room mate all through my undergrad. days at UNIBEN and my postgraduate days, and I think its time for me to step up my Yes, I need to step up my game and enjoy the peace of having my OWN space and setting it up the way I like. I'll make a few calls, schedule appointments and hope for the best. Someone with definitely fall for my charming give me a good deal on an apartment. The most annoying part is that all the apartments that have everything I want- dishwasher, laundary in apartment, carpets- no hard wood floors(too cold), fairly large room, close to the subway, good neighbourhood, etc are all quite expensive. Ummh..I do hope I don't get to spend all my salary on rent in NYC. Geez, I wish I could move my present $500 2-br apartment to the would be so cool. Anyway, I'm hoping to get a cozy place where I can call home, atleast for some time...hope they have a pent house waiting for Let the hunting begin !! Wish me luck....I need it.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Wife and Maid

I got this mail from a friend today, and it was so funny I had to share !!

Wife and Maid

A housewife, realising that the housemaid had started behaving funny, decidedto engage her one morning.

Madam: "Chinyere why you don begin dey behave anyhow these days? E be likesay u no wan know ya mate for this house again o! Face no dey fear face forya village?"Abi you don carry craze for head?Chinyere responded immediately: "Look at you, you call yourselfMadam.......which kind wife wey u be? Afterall my food dey sweet pass urown...."

Madam: "Ehn!!!!! Who told you that you cook better than i do?"Chinyere: "Na Oga now......."Madam: "Lord have mercy!!! Papa Nkechi........??!!!!!!!!???? you will come and meet me in this house today...Na war between me and am today. Ohoooo nowonder........ I don dey suspect this thing since......."Chinyere: "No be all be that o....., I even better pass you for bed..."

Madam: "Yeepa..!!!!!!!!!.... I'm finished!!! So... Papa Nkechi told u such thing too?"Chinyere: "No, The driver said so."

Madam: "Uhmm......Chi chi baby, Chinyerryerry Chinlosky..come here ehn...Good girl. Abeg no let Oga hear that one. OK...."......Lol

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Panda porn and the human race !!

I have a strong interes in the Panda family and the extensive research and effort being made all over the world to increase their population by encouraging them to breed. Pandas are very poor breeders and this is the major reason why it's population is fast dwindling and why it's on the brink of extinction. Scientists and conservationists have become so desperate to save these beautiful creatures with such exotic names as Ling ling, Le Le, Ya ya, etc (I have no idea why they have such chinese names) from going into extinction by going as far as showing the pandas...panda porn, yea hilarious!!! I laughed so much when I read about the "Panda porn" experiment that I felt my ribs aching. Although the episode sounds funny and a bit over the edge, it does offer the prospects of *probably* increasing their sex drives assuming they have similar behavioural patterns as humans. Although, the experiment didn't work out as planned, there is a continued research into increasing their population, and while this continues, I will continue to follow these beautiful and exotic creatures that I have fallen in love with, and perhaps someday, I would have a panda as a pet !!!

As a last word on the panda issue, female pandas can only conceive on three days in a year.....that got me thinking....yes, I'm a great thinker. I sit on a chair and think ALL DAY !!! LOL.

What if men could only have erections on three days in a 365 day period, or women could only be in the mood for sex and conception on 3 days in a 365 day periods as well.......ummh....which technically means that all men and women would have to get partners who fall within the same cycle....else it won't work... and of course i don't think they won't want to "chop the carrot" when they only get 3 days in a, that would be really it's got to be MARATHON SEX, ALL THE WAY !!!. LOL!!

It also means that the human race *might* not be so worried about a population explosion, sex offenders, STD's, etc....the list could grow longer. I'm quite sure a lot of people can think up of other benefits!!! would that be, that would be extremely weird !! I'm going me your thots....peace out buddies !!!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Matters arising....

At long last....Omar al-Bashir, the Sudanese president, has accepted a hybrid AU-UN force for Darfur that would hopefully help rein in his fighters. The most modern tragedy of the African continent that has consistently defied any solution, and constantly left a sour taste in the mouths of every individual with even the slightest idea of the atrocities being committed in Darfur might be coming to an end.....I hope. Darfur has become an open wound of the African continent that highlights the constant ineptitude of african leaders to manage or solve problems with in africa, without looking to the outside world for help.

In my opinion, the Darfur massacre could have been averted or perhaps stopped a long time ago, if not for the support that the Sudanese govt. gets from a certain super power, which has consistently threatened to veto any adverse UN security council sanctions on Sudan. Although I do not have so much faith in the UN or its security council which is controlled by a bloc, and where each veto wielding country serves to protect its allies, business partners (Sudan supplies oil to a big wig on the UN bloc), war against terrorism allies (Ethiopia was allowed to buy weapons from North korea, inspite of the sanctions on such sales, because it was going into a war that would benefit a certain country), etc, I still think that this latest development could be a glimmer of hope for the thousands of displaced and terrified people in Darfur. My prayers constantly goes out to them and I hope that the UN/AU force would be on ground as soon as possible to prevent any last onslaught of these innocent and defenceless people. When I reminiscence of what happened to Slobodan Milosevic in Yugoslavia, and how NATO reduced him and stopped the continuous massacre of innocent people in the Europen theatre, I constantly wonder why that couldn't or wouldn't happen in Sudan....well, I guess I know the answer.....the Sudanese govt. has a big brother on the bloc unlike Milosevic at that time, and of course it's Africa !!! They always have too many problems. Peace out!!!

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Lost in translation

I was reading an article on how the chinese are trying to translate the names of the foods on their menu from chinese to English in preparation for the Olympic games...which I hope the world would boycott if they don't rein in Omar al-Bashir of sudan, but dat na tory for anoda day. Some of the english translations came out really funny....."ants climbing the tree", "It is small to fry the chicken miscellaneous" ..and the most hilarious was "mixed elbow with garlic mud" . It was so funny as I tried to picture the face of a foreigner in china, who asks for the menu and the first meal is "mixed elbow (or elbows if you ask for two plates) with garlic mud"...very fresh and extra spicy available !!! .lol..But then...I paused to think.What happens when Nigeria hosts something...not the Olympic games sha, since we neva reach dat level yet, unless Bar beach over flows again, then we can host the rowing event, with all the canoes where we get!!, back to my do we translate various Nigerian meals from their native names to english; and we have a lot of them...but we dey chop food for niger sha... So I decided to make a list and translate a few I could remember.

Isi-ewu -------- Goat head with the eyes and its teeth grinning before death !! Frightening !!
Nkwobi -------- Ummh, this is difficult .....No idea !! I do need help on this.
Ikpan Kwu Kwu------No idea !!!
Amala ------ No english name, cannot be found in the dictionary
Eba -------- converted from garri.
Garri ------ Obtained from Cassava.
Cassava ----- Ummh., how the hell do you explain this ?
Fura -------- No idea.
Afang -------
Edi Kai Kong -----
404 -------- You're probably better off not knowing...grilled

My conclusion, you would need to carry out an extensive research to solve this Yo, but let me know if you have any ethnic dishes, from any part of the world with very very outrageous english translations!!! Peace out !!!

Monday, April 16, 2007


In a landmark rulling today, and further encoraging the growth of the judicial arm in Nigeria, the supreme court ruled that the vice president can contest the presidential elections in Nigeria. This was after the present government declared last thursday and friday as public holidays, apparently to scuttle the ambitions of the vice president and prevent the supreme court from taking a judgement....but they have been disappointed....The supreme court ruled in a day !! Although I'm not so keen on the present vice president winning, but let the man contest, and if he wins, fine and he loses..good.

Peace out!!

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Diaries of a village girl...

I got an email from a friend with this story and It was so hilarious...I was laughing the whole'm still laughing..

From the diary of a newly married village Girl.

Monday:Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home.It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel foodcake and the recepie said, "beat 12 eggs separately."Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow enough bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out Fine though.

Tuesday:We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them, I think it was the salad.

Wednesday:I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the week. I can't say it improved the rice anyhow.

Thursday:Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one hour so thedog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why? He must be stressed at work, I'll try and be supportive.

Friday:Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." beat it I did, to my mum's place. There must have been something wrong with the recipe,because when I came back home again,it looked the same as when I left it.

Saturday:Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken.He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and it's little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute. When Tim saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was really stressed because of his work, or he wanted the chicken to dance. When I asked him what was wronghe started crying and shouting out "why me? why me?". It has to be his job.

lol..for a village girl, she does write well...

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Issues arising....

"Don Imus has been fired"!!! For those of you who don't know who I'm talking about. For the past couple of weeks, theres been a raging inferno in the US after Imus called Rutgers female basketball team, a "bunch of nappy hos"....and unless the definition of "hos" has changed, this isn't a term to be used on air when about 10 million listeners are on...."probably" because the team is made up of mostly BLACk girls..its was unpardonable. Jesse Jackson and Al sharption, two prominent african americans have called for his head all week...and finally today, CBS succombed and gave him the boot!! Good riddance to bad comments. Can you imagine the guy telling the world that he's a "good person" who did a "bad thing"...since when did we begin to call ourselves good because we help out at volunteer camps with black kids(he says he does)....but theres still no justification for calling these women these terrible names on air...It was definitely unacceptable. And to think that he apologized immediately...which seems to be the norm now when people make racist comments and come under fire..they retract their comments and ask for pardon. My opinion is that something has to be shouldn't be all apologies each time..and I'm glad with the outcome. Just because the girls were black and had tatoos doesn't make them "nappy hos", these girls had just lost the finals of the womens basketball championship in the US....and you'd rather not praise them, but insult them.

I hope other broadcasters learn from this, and carefully watch the comments they make on live events. With the perceived difficulties experienced by these enterprising young black womek, who should be praised at all levels...this sort of attitude cannot be condoned anymore. My anger has finally been assuaged, and I hope this serves as a lesson to all.

On a different note, Nigeria is set for elections and the governement has declared two days of public holidays. For those of you not familiar with the tussle between the president and his vice who is contesting to replace the president against the presidents wish...this is to prevent the supreme court from ruling on the VP's suit....which would determine if he can contest after his indictment by a corruption panel set up by the government.....that concluded its findings in approx. 5 days. Things like this makes one wish that the supreme court would give an accelerated hearing on monday, and give a verdict for this guy to contest...though I'm not sure if I want him to win, since that would mean more trouble....but atleast let him contest. Its a free society and anyone can contest. I'm looking forward to monday with high expectations.

Alright peeps, got work to do...peace out!!!Hope you enjoyed reading..