Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Do Monkeys pay for sex?

A friend sent me this interesting article and I just thought I'd share. Click here

Hope y'all are having an awesome week so far.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Its Xmas Again !

Merry Xmas folks...hope you all have a great day and take it easy with the chicken...

Don't forget to think about those who don't have any today, and give some to the needy as well....touch a heart today.

Enjoy your day!!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

My vacation...

So its official...my vacation started on monday. Well, I don't have any special plans yet and consdering the fact that I will be out till next year, I'm at a loss as to what to do. My first plan was to visit naija..yea, my naija peeps don vex for me tire, but I couldn't work out some logistics....so here I am, stuck in NYC. So what do i do? Now thats the million dollar question since I have various options and haven't made up my mind on what to do. My french friends are coming to the NYC from France to visit (the french girls as my friends call them) and although they would be staying with me in my "little palace", I've made it clear to them that I'm not going to baby sit anyone...so what do I do? I'm thinking of taking a ski trip to Vermont or Maine (my naija peeps here have been wondering why a naija guy goes skiing..lol..naija dudes no dey ski? abeg make una free me o), but I haven't found other friends willing to commit to the adventure since they have to work...I was going to go to Miami, until I checked the flights costs,hotels and other expenses....and with christmas around, the costs doubled, not to mention that my naija peeps expect settlement for christmas along with other expenses here.

Arrgh...why do these things have to be so difficult. I thought of taking a road trip across states...but then again, considering its winter and snowing, it isn't safe or the best time to drive for long distances. Although I'm quite sure I would have fun travelling to places close to NYC (DC,Boston, etc), I'm not so sure I want to do that or should I? Damm...I should have been in naija now..cruising...I would not lack for things to do, people to see, folks to harass and crimes to commit..lol. It's all good though..I'm enjoying my vacation so far and getting some personal work done. I don't need my alarm any more, I dont have to drag my self up from sleep, I can go to bed whenever...and the best part...I STILL GET PAID !!! I wish life were like this...lol...
Hope you're enjoying the beauty of the season as well. Wishing everyone a wonderful season.If you have suggestions...I want to hear it. Isn't there some blogger xmas party? There should be...Can't wait for my work stint in London, that should be fun..maybe I'll get to meet some of my best blogger friends..you know yourselves. I love you all...and "you" too!

Peace out folks!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Ozymandias - the poem - and me.

I met a traveler from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal these words appear:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

by Percy Bysshe Shelley

You've been gone for only hours
Yet it feels like years
I lie down here
Staring into blank space
Watching the rays of the sun fade into lonely space
Wondering when you'll walk back into this room
this room which has become so empty
so lonely that it hurts
so quiet that I can hear my heart beating
it wants to hear your voice
it wants to hear you breathe
it wants to come alive
it needs you
its asking you to come back
and never leave it again
this room which is my heart
this heart which longs so much for you
it belongs to you
pick up the phone and call..

by Ozymandias (Moi..trying to revive my poetry skills)

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Anti-borrowing shield.

So I was talking to a friend who was telling me about how a certain high school friend from so many years back in naija just started calling to know how she was and how things were going with her. She was worried that this might be a prelude to asking her to “send something for boys”, and being broke right now, she didn’t know what to do or say since the certain high school friend was also a good friend back then. What could she do, she asked me.

Ozy’s response: Do what I used to do back in college in naija for fair weather friends. Back then there were “certain friends” who were my friends, but not really my friends...lol…If that makes any sense, hope you got my drift? So it would be a surprise to me when these friends showed up at my apartment (kai…I don lie..na one room o..lol..) at very suspicious times or periods in the day, and being the type of person I was, I would welcome everyone with a smile and try to entertain them as much as possible (depending on their sex and profile...).

Well, when I realized that these “certain friends” always came to me when they needed me to lend them some money or some other favor (like beg me to take exams for them, which was always a NO!), and because I found it difficult to say no (I was a broke ass kid as well,), I always listened to their stories, and gave in to their demands for money…and when it was time to pay back, I would be wishing we had a debt collection agency in naija since I would have to hound and harass them before they returned the money if they ever did. So I devised a new strategy nicknamed “anti-borrowing counter measures”….

Whenever these “certain friends” came to me under the guise of visiting me, immediately they sat down and began chatting and feeling comfortable, I would pre-empt them (pre-emptive strike) and reel out my own financial problems to them first…lol…I would begin with the books and fees I have to buy or pay for, my food status at that time (1-0-1, 0-1-1, or even 0-0-1 for notorious ones..lol), those I’m owing, and end it up with those that have been owing me for a long time who have refused to pay up...lol…and how if they don’t want to pay up soon, I was considering doing something mean to them (no be say I fit sha, though I’m sure I could recruit one of my borrowers to do the dirty job...).

Of course, after I was done with my own tales, it would be so obvious that this guy ain’t falling for this trick anymore and no shishi (a penny) was coming out of my pocket today..no more father Christmas... .Infact, if I tell my story very well, they would almost be forced to part with the little they had on them at that time…lol…since that my condition seemed more desperate. Some people might think that was mean, but those counter measures were reserved for those “certain friends” that would only remember me when they had problems or needed my help…when they go partying or clubbing, they never called to invite me, when money finish or wahala show…dem go remember Ozy. I used to have such a good laugh after that…..

Since my strategy always worked…my advice to her was, you might want to spill out some of your own problems that you’re currently facing right now to your high school friend, before he makes the first move so he’d know it’s certainly not convenient right now…It’s just like in chess. It works, at least for me, all the time.

Reporting live and hungry from the “Big Apple" on a cold windy day before lunch....Ozymandias..over and out !!

Thursday, November 29, 2007

In the news today...

Choosy males and aggressive females - a role reversal has been found in the sexual behavior of the topi antelope.

Some males are so forcefully pursued by pushy females that they refuse the advances of previous partners.

--- Has anyone experienced this?..lol..

According to research published in the journal Current Biology, this helps males conserve their sperm for the possibility of mating with new females.

---hmm, thank goodness we don’t have to conserve our sperms…else, I’m sure some of us would have run out of stock a long long time ago……lol…”na mate as you go”….just kidding…HIV dey there o..

It therefore increases the chances of fatherhood with the widest possible number of partners.
Dr Jakob Bro-Jorgensen, the scientist conducting the Zoological Society of London (ZSL) research, said: "In cases where the male antelope was free to choose between females, he deliberately went for the most novel mate, rather than the most high-ranking."

--- Hmm, "novel mate" ehn…does that mean the mate that’s most imaginative and can think of novel positions and styles or what….hmmm...just wondering ..I’m kinda confused here..lol

He added: "However, some pushy females were so aggressive in their pursuit of the male that he actually had physically to attack them to rebuff their advances."

--- Lol..I guess this happens…..why these kain tins no dey happen to me nah, I swear I will not physically attack anyone...lol….I no mean say make antelopes pursue me o…lol

The research was undertaken in the Masai Mara area of Kenya, in the traditional breeding grounds of the topi.

Copious copulations
Females are fertile for a single day only. The topi antelope (Damaliscus lunatus jimela) come together once a year, for just over a month to mate.

Dr Bro-Jorgensen said: "It is not uncommon to see males collapsing with exhaustion as the demands of the females get too much for them."

-- Lmao, he probably needs some Viagra abi na burantashi…lol….wetin u want make I talk nah…man wey do finish, come collapse, na die be dat nah..lol.

He observed that each female would mate, on average, with four males, while some reached 12 different partners. And each individual would be mated with approximately 11 times, although one pair was observed together on 36 occasions.

-- 36 !!..geez..wtf…even 11 sef…I need to know the exact pills they take for that…lol…its not for me, its for the market…lol..no, I don’t need such to achieve that feat…and yes, you all should take a cue from these antelopes..lol

"[The females must] ensure that they become pregnant, and preferably with a hotshot male, so they must focus all their energies on ensuring that males mate with them in that time," Dr Bro-Jorgensen explained.
Unexpected behavior;

These findings are contrary to conventional sexual selection theory which says males are competitive and females are choosy.
Talking to the BBC News website, Dr Bro-Jorgensen said: "We may not have our eyes open to the fact that opposite sexual conflicts may occur more commonly than we think. Normally, males are persistent and females resistant. What I saw in African topi was unexpected."

-- lol, so the males have now become choosy…times are certainly changing….hotshot male ehn, hmmm….now I see the rush for Brad Pitt, Denzel Washington, etc....lol…Wait a sec, did I forget to include my self on that list....I be hot shot nah..

The synchronized mating activity, and the species' promiscuity, makes males the limited resource and females the competitive ones.
It is thought the females are interested in mating with several partners to ensure fertilization, in case their first choice happens to have reduced sperm supply, or is genetically incompatible with them.

-- Synchronized mating ehn…see big grammar…lol..e be like say e don become lottery, try ya luck..lol….Abeg, anybody sabi as dem dey do “synchronized mating”?..Make I add am to the small one wey I sabi..

Courtesy of the BBC:Topi Antelope
Quote of the day from BBC: New Emerging order

"Sperm competition is an evolutionary arms race, with males developing increasingly sophisticated strategies to tip the balance towards successful conception and at the same time hinder the chances of rival males."

My prediction: Very soon, a country’s wealth would be measured by the size of its sperm reserves..lol….I wonder which countries and continents would be super powers then?..hmm..let me go think about that, the time is near…lol

Ummh..I think I'm going crazy....lol..peace out folks !!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Tales by candle light.

I once had to go to a fast food place in Nigeria a few minutes after me and my brothers had finished thrashing a girl who’d always pretended to be so sophisticated, and yet completely embarrassed herself by asking for “Egg roll” instead of “Scotch eggs”…which kain tin be dat..lol…Anyway, I walked into the fast food place, and just as I was approaching the counter, I started looking at the beautiful smiling face behind it…as I about to place my order, I got all confused….Was it “egg roll” or “Scotch eggs”?…lol...I asked for “Can I get twos egg rolls”…I muttered silently hoping she didn’t hear me clearly…lol..too late! She corrected me,”Oh, you want Scotch eggs”..…yawa !!

I once traveled from Lagos to Abeokuta to visit a girlfriend without informing anyone at home. Deciding to surprise her, I left Lagos without informing her I was coming. Unfortunately for me, by the time I got there, she wasn’t home. Remember, this was long before the advent of GSM in Nigeria and there was no way to communicate with her remotely. What a wasted trip!! So with a heavy heart, I decided to go back to Lagos. By the time I go to the bus park, there were no more buses, and the few buses present had tripled their fares and I didn’t plan for this in spite of all my meticulous planning, apparently fuel had just gone scarce…that’s common in Naija. After standing about three hours hoping, praying for a miracle and when it became apparent that none was happening, I needed to be punished lol…I began to combine crossing and uncrossing my fingers, with cursing…lol…that wasn’t working either…, I finally realized that I had to do something drastic.

I needed to get back to Lagos before my parents realized that I was out of town….hahah, the wahala no go easy..water go pass garri be dat and me I no wan be the garri…lol…. During these few hours, trucks filled with stones (If you know Abeokuta, you’d know they have a lot of rocks, so you’d probably know the trucks I’m referring to) had continuously come by and people had got on the trucks, sitting on the stones…geez...lol..I wasn’t going to do that…well, I changed my mind when I saw this was truly an emergency…lol...I had my heart in my mouth the on entire 2 hr trip and once I got to a very convenient location in Lagos, I came down and walked the rest of the distance home…make peeps no tink say I don become laborer…lol…I would never do that again!!

When I was 15 and had just started driving, I didn’t have a driver’s license in Nigeria. I was driving my home with my brother when we looked and “O ma se o”, there were the infamous “Men in black” (Nigerian police) at a road block up ahead. And as is usual with them, they were stopping, searching, humiliating people and committing the other atrocities that they are known for. Man, there was no way we could go past them without them stopping us…and there was no other way home except that way, I had to think fast, and that I did..lol:

Luckily for us, the traffic was flowing so I confidently drove towards them and just as I was about a few feet from them, I pulled over right infront of them!!…Revved up the car for some time…came down from the car, opened the hood, touched a few things and generally pretended that the car was giving me very serious problems…lol...spent about 10 mins doing that while watching them…lol...after I was convinced that they’d noticed us and our “Major” problems and they were obviously not going to waste our time anymore…I got into the car and drove past them…voila !!..lol..we made it. There was no way they were going to stop us again after all the trouble we’d been through infront of them…hahahahah….ingenious !!