Wednesday, August 29, 2007

The great beasts come home to roost...

After preparations that lasted about three years, the man labeled as the “wasp” thought to himself, “Yes, I’m ready”. He was ready to go into the jungle in search of the great beast that had defied him for the past three years. It wasn’t the first time he had gone hunting in the last few years, but he had not been on a serious hunting expedition in a long time that he thought he’d lost all the techniques necessary to make a kill. Like his fathers said, “To catch the great beast, you’ve learn how to crouch like a tiger, hide your spots in the jungle, and most importantly strike when the iron is hot”, and that was exactly what he set out to achieve.
His preparations for this great hunting expedition was intensifying with each passing day, and with each training routine he accomplished, he felt he was getting ready for the day when he would go in search of the great beasts. He had put in a lot of efforts into his preparation though he admitted to himself that he was lucky because he was naturally endowed with all the skills necessary to hunt the great beasts. Having all the skills necessary for the great beast hunting should make things easier he thought, but as always happens, most great beasts run very far when a hunter with such skills as his entered the jungle to feed. The premonition that a great hunter was out sent out electric effects round the great beast kingdom triggering a domino effect, such that even the best hunters find it very difficult to pick a target.

He had hunted great beasts in a previous kingdom, and since moving to this new kingdom, he realized that he had to refine his hunting skills. This realization dawned on him when he attempted his first kill in the new kingdom using his time tested methods of charming the beast, ensnaring it and finally taking it by the throat. Needless to say, it ended in disaster because as he realized afterwards, his charming powers had not had the intended effect and sadly, it was the first time he had failed in a major kill. The chain of events triggered off by that failed kill ensured that his strategy was known to his preys, and he decided to take a hiatus and re strategize. During this hiatus, he had come out only to feed on lonely and lost great beasts in the dead of the nights, and using them to fine tune the methods he had developed for his first major kill. Indeed, at this time he knew and felt more confident that he had mastered the art of hunting the great beasts in this new kingdom and it was time to pick up his gauntlet again.

As part of his training regimen, he frequently visited the kingdoms jungles to see the various types of great beasts existing in them. On this day, he went into the jungle to meditate and have a feel of the environment as part of his usual training methods. The jungle was filled up with an assorted number and varieties of great beasts, great beasts that were so fierce looking like he had never seen. Truly, he didn’t know that such great beasts exist and their ferocity and tenacious manners made them very remarkable and enticing preys.

He wasn’t entirely ready for his great hunting expedition, and he knew he wasn’t prepared to make a kill yet but today seemed very different. He couldn’t exactly define why that day seemed different, perhaps it was the strong gush of winds that was flowing from his energy store that made the great beasts sway to the sound of music it produced, or maybe it was the new color that he had adopted as his camouflage. The great beasts all swarmed around him like bees drawn to nectar, he could understand if they didn’t realize that he was a hunter on a reconnaissance mission. It was happening faster that he had anticipated and there were two great beasts that stood out in the pack. He took both of the great beasts to the top of the hill, and there he discovered to his utter amazement that he could make both kills with a single shot. Making two kills with one shot was a very delicate skill, and only the greatest masters could achieve such a feat. To make both kills, he realized that he would need to take both great beasts to opposite ends but keep them aligned together in order to ensure a perfect kill with a single strike. He had his entire strategy all planned out in his mind, and then it finally dawned on him….the great hunt had begun without him actually planning it and he questioned his preparedness at this time.

To be continued….

Monday, August 20, 2007

Camels gone wild !!!

Hey buddies,
Check out this link. I think it's quite intriguing.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Dancing kings!!

Hey people, check out this's really interesting and might put a smile on your face, and was made by a bunch of phillipine prisoners. The man-woman in the clip is a transvestite in jail, so have no fear got me usual!! Shouldn't transvestites have their own separate jails? yea...seriously, what do ya'll think? Peace out !!

Monday, August 13, 2007

E no easy !!

My People, today has not been easy o. Infact if not for the vegetable soup where i dey think of the entire time for office, I for don sleep inside my cube..tay !! Anyway sha make una see wetin happen o. For dat kain 3pm, na im sleep come dey catch me as I don finish wetin I wan do today, na im I come remember the vegetable wey I get for fridge...ummh...small time na im my mind just remember my mama soup for so wahala begin o. I just begin to design and implement my soup for my do, no im my mouth begin water....omo e tough o. Na im I come see say I no go fit siddon here, na im i go raid the pantry for my office...go get small food chop for

As I come dey come back, I come remember say I no get pepper for house when I don come down from the train....i talk for my mind...NEVER..omo, na so I waka 10 blocks o...thats 20 blocks to and fro...all for my vegetable soup. Anyway sha, my vegetable soup don set....and as I dey smell the thing from dis place ehn...once I knack that better sleep be dat You see, the way where I dey take cook my food ehn...e too be joke my friends dey tell me say my wife no go need to, I no mind o, i dey enter kitchen anytime. Infact for house, na so me and my mama dey fight for her so she go dey pursue from her wetin dey, for me cooking be like chemical engineering, put all the ingradients in the right proportions and better food don like chemical reaction...As for me o, the main thing na to make sure say u season your meat well i dey add every..basil leaves, oregano leave,s parsil, italian seasoning, salt, etc....and once the meat dey well seasoned, better food don shele. ...this one no be Ireti catering practical o...this one na ogbonge

My people, all na chemistry meat + better seasoning = nice taste...and the other part of the cooking, na the secret of my cooking!!!...I no fit reveal am here..if you need the recipe, send me email along with your $$$$ na only paypal I dey accept o...pele!!, I no dey accept credit card...anyway sha, e be like say my soup don ready o....una dey smell am for don tay where i chop this kain food..abeg, make I go chop o, before I drown inside my saliva for, I remember "mama zing ting" for uniben, guys survive on that woman o in those so we go dey chop this woman soup with enough water and na so we go dey fight with flies with one hand..e no people, i dey invite una o...make una come follow me be say una go come o, una go say thank out ppl !!!

Monday, August 6, 2007

Everyday porn...

Hey buddies, how are you all today? Hope you all had a good day !! Mine was good as well except for the fact that I'm been tortured to watch soft porn EVERYDAY !! Alright guys, let me explain my predicament. Each day I've to take the subway (train) to work.....yea, some of you already know what I'm about to talk about especially if you've been esposed to it as well and probably felt the same way. When I get to the train station, there is a couple(or more) cuddling, kissing, smooching (light, sometimes even heavy), etc and I'm saying in my mind "dude, why not wait till you get home, or are you guys not coming from somewhere" take care of your business somewhere else, I don't want to see all these...arrgh. In digust, I turn to look the other way and lo and behold, there is another couple doing the same thing and I'm screaming in my head along with the extreme could drive you insane.......and finally, the train arrives..Thank God.

I gladly run into the train.....and there again...another bunch of teenagers kissing and everything else...arrgh..what is this? Alright, perhaps I'm being too sensitive, but then again, I think they should be sensitive to others around them...and for christ sake, there are children around these places !!! A little bit of moderation in the show of affection would be proper, especially in these public places.

You know, I just thought about culture differences. Imagine a young boy/girl going into a danfo or worse, and kissing, smooching, those old men and women would curse them out with the worst names ever then again that's Nigeria, where the moral standards are different. Sometimes on these trains, especially when the trains are very crowded, you just have no option than to see these soft porn scenes....perhaps I should go get a girlfriend to smooch on the train and train station as well....ummh, that would be, but then again I have more respect for people around me. Anyway, I hope these porn scenes doesn't move to the next level know what I mean. Alright peeps, I'm out.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

First day at work

As a follow up to my post on the Nigerian police, there's an article in "The News" news paper of yesterday on the Nigerian police abandoning their duties of combatting crime, and rather going in pursuit of sex workers and scantily clad women and men. Click here to go to the site, though I don't know how long the article will be up on the site. I also took this picture from that site hoping to determine which of these women were indecently clad. Please help me identify which os them were indecently dressed, although the police claims they are sex workers !!

And to think that it was the police boss himself that paraded these women to the press, apparently forgetting that his men and innocent people are dying on the streets. Misplaced priorities !! What a shame !!
Anyway, back to my first day at work. ..I could barely sleep the night before inspite of going to bed late, because I didn't want to have the unfortunate luck of waking up late on my first is inspite of the fact that I set two alarm clocks, you know incase one fails, the other would was so paronoid !!!
I woke up a countless times in the night and finally, I couldn't take it anymore, I woke up an hour before I got to the office an hour ahead of time !!! well better too early than late...especially on your first day !!! You'll forever be known for it.
Then began the orientation, introductions, etc. talking about Medical, dental, permanent disability, partial disability, life insurance etc. I think I should talk about the partial disability thing. I didn't know that how much you received in compensation for a disability was determined on what body part(s) you lost - both hands, both legs, one hand and one leg, two hands and one leg, loss of sight, etc - and the more you lost, the more money you got. ..It was really surprising to me, since you have to lose quite a lot of your body parts to get quite a lot of money as well...ummh, would anyone be willing to lose both hands for a million dollars, or lose their sight for the same amount of me, no way, Thank you!!! I was going to ask the woman explaining all these things to us...What happens, if you lose both hands and both legs, Do you get the total sum for each individual part you lose? was have been really gross and shocking...and would probably have startled her and everyone else in the room..hahahahah...but I didn' my head works sometimes..crazy !!!
Anyway, now I also understand why a man/woman would kill their partner ( partner since same sex couples are also covered) in order to get the money from their life insurance which could really be a lot....Now I feel that my life is more valuable, ummh, did that come out right? well, financially......I no say make person come find me o, na my benefactor go get the money can imagine a group of young people listening to all these things on disability, death, etc on a Monday was really quite amusing and electrifying...I couldn't help laughing silently...In order to keep my self awake throughout , I looked at everybodys face to determine what their reactions I swear, I could see deep fear in, I began to think of death too...scary !!! It was quite an introduction.
I remembered an inside joke with my brothers.... aunt of mine in Nigeria who was labelled "Maria, messenger of death" by my mean....You see, when I was in Nigeria, when some one dies in the village, Maria was, unfortunately, always resposible for bringing such news to my parents and each time she came to our house, my brothers would wait around just to hear what she had to say before returning to what they were busy they finally determined that her looks could always tell if it was just a plain visit or a death only she knew.
Alright, this is getting quite long, so I'd continue some other time, but my first day went really well, and i I also found out that I don't need to wear a tie every day..yay..., unless I have a meeting or something.....yay !!...I'm happy for relieved.; all I need are business casuals.
Peace out folks !!