So I was talking to a friend who was telling me about how a certain high school friend from so many years back in naija just started calling to know how she was and how things were going with her. She was worried that this might be a prelude to asking her to “send something for boys”, and being broke right now, she didn’t know what to do or say since the certain high school friend was also a good friend back then. What could she do, she asked me.
Ozy’s response: Do what I used to do back in college in naija for fair weather friends. Back then there were “certain friends” who were my friends, but not really my friends...lol…If that makes any sense, hope you got my drift? So it would be a surprise to me when these friends showed up at my apartment (kai…I don lie..na one room o..lol..) at very suspicious times or periods in the day, and being the type of person I was, I would welcome everyone with a smile and try to entertain them as much as possible (depending on their sex and profile...).
Well, when I realized that these “certain friends” always came to me when they needed me to lend them some money or some other favor (like beg me to take exams for them, which was always a NO!), and because I found it difficult to say no (I was a broke ass kid as well,), I always listened to their stories, and gave in to their demands for money…and when it was time to pay back, I would be wishing we had a debt collection agency in naija since I would have to hound and harass them before they returned the money if they ever did. So I devised a new strategy nicknamed “anti-borrowing counter measures”….
Whenever these “certain friends” came to me under the guise of visiting me, immediately they sat down and began chatting and feeling comfortable, I would pre-empt them (pre-emptive strike) and reel out my own financial problems to them first…lol…I would begin with the books and fees I have to buy or pay for, my food status at that time (1-0-1, 0-1-1, or even 0-0-1 for notorious ones..lol), those I’m owing, and end it up with those that have been owing me for a long time who have refused to pay up...lol…and how if they don’t want to pay up soon, I was considering doing something mean to them (no be say I fit sha, though I’m sure I could recruit one of my borrowers to do the dirty job...).
Of course, after I was done with my own tales, it would be so obvious that this guy ain’t falling for this trick anymore and no shishi (a penny) was coming out of my pocket today..no more father Christmas... .Infact, if I tell my story very well, they would almost be forced to part with the little they had on them at that time…lol…since that my condition seemed more desperate. Some people might think that was mean, but those counter measures were reserved for those “certain friends” that would only remember me when they had problems or needed my help…when they go partying or clubbing, they never called to invite me, when money finish or wahala show…dem go remember Ozy. I used to have such a good laugh after that…..
Since my strategy always worked…my advice to her was, you might want to spill out some of your own problems that you’re currently facing right now to your high school friend, before he makes the first move so he’d know it’s certainly not convenient right now…It’s just like in chess. It works, at least for me, all the time.
Reporting live and hungry from the “Big Apple" on a cold windy day before lunch....Ozymandias..over and out !!